HarryPotter Randomness!
by kitten09
Summary: A collection of  random hp jokes and oddities.


Yo mama's so fat that the Sorting Hat put her in all four houses!

Yo mama's so fat that a wingardium leviosa spell couldn't lift her.

Yo mama's so fat, she makes Hagrid look like "Mini-me".

Yo mama's so fat, she tried to eat Cornelius Fudge.

Yo mama's so ugly, even a dementor wouldn't kiss her!

Yo mama's so fat the Sorting Hat assigned her to the House of Pancakes.

Yo mama's so old, she used to babysit Dumbledore.

Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Sirius Black is a hip hop station on satellite radio.

Yo mama's so ugly that the whomping willow saw her and died.

Yo mama's so stupid she thinks Patronus is a kind of Tequlia.

Yo mama's so fat, her Patronus is a Double-Whopper with Cheese.

Yo mama's so nasty, the Forbidden Forrest was named after her.

Yo mama's the reason that Dumbledore turned gay.

Yo mama's so old, her boobs look like two upside down Sorting Hats!

Yo mama's so fat, she used the invisibility cloak as a bib.

Yo mama's so ugly, everybody calls her "She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Naked"

Yo mama's so fat that even the Dementors can't suck her soul out in one sitting.

Yo mama's so pasty, she makes Ron Weasely look like George Hamilton.

Yo mama's so fat, she looked in the mirror of Erised and saw a ham!

Yo mama's so old she gave Nicholas Flamel his first kiss.

Yo mama's so ugly that the Dementor's Kiss was swapped out for a hearty handshake and a promise to give her a call sometime.

Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in a pensieve

Yo mama's so dumb she thought that she could talk to snakes if she put parsley on her tongue

Yo mama's so nasty, every pair of her panties has the Dark Mark on them.

Yo mama's so fat that if she confronted a boggart it would morph into a treadmill.

Yo mama's so ugly that even Voldemort won't say her name.

Yo mama's so poor she can't even afford a Gringotts account.

Yo mama's so fat that the sorting hat couldn't decide where to put her - she couldn't fit in any of the houses!

Yo mama's the only mute prostitue in Hogsmeade. They call her "dumb-le-whore"!

Yo mama's so fat, she ate the Death Eaters.

Yo mama's so masculine that Dumbledore would sleep with her!

Yo mama's so nasty that the order of the phoenix was "stay away from that woman!" Yo mama's so poor that Dobby gave her a sock to keep her foot warm.

Yo mama's such a tramp that she's given more rides than the Hogwarts Express!

Yo mama's so fat even Grawp can't pick her up!

Yo mama's so smelly, Bertie Bott made her his next jelly bean flavor.

Yo mama's so fat that it takes two boggarts to shape-shift into her!

Yo mama's so ugly that she lost a beauty contest to Mountain Troll.

Yo mama's so ugly that when the bassalisk snuck up on her and saw her face, HE dropped dead.

Yo mama's breath is the secret ingredient in the Weasly's Butterscotch Barf-ies.

Yo mama's so ugly that when she walked into Gringotts Wizarding Bank, they gave her a job application.

Yo mama's so ugly she turned the Basilisk to stone.

Yo mama's such a tramp that she's like a quidditch broomstick - everyone gets a ride. Yo mama's so skanky that the reason you're called a Half-Blood Prince is because she has no idea who your father is!

Yo mama's so dumb that a stupify spell actually made her smarter.

Yo mama's so stanky that not even dobby would accept one of her socks.

Yo mama's so fat that even her Quidditch robes have stretch marks.

Yo mama's so old she makes Dumbledore look like a teenager.

Yo mama's so fat they'd have to use transfiguration to sneak her through the hole in the Gryffindor Tower.

Yo mama's so fat, her wand is a Slim Jim.

Yo mama's so fat the core of her wand has a creame filling.

Yo mama's so ugly that Voldemort took one look at her and killed HIMSELF!"

Yo mama's so poor she had to go to the Weasley's for a loan.

Yo mama's so ugly, she thought that Hogwarts were the growth on her thigh.

Yo mama's so ugly that as a baby they had to use the Confundus Charm so the family would play with her.

Yo mama's so ugly she scares the Dementors away.

Yo mama's so ugly that when she asked Crabbe to take her to the Yule Ball, he decided to go with Goyle instead!


End file.
